Amy Mowafi on the trials and tribulations of the simple life…

There are certain places in the world in which, as an Arab, you simply do not belong. A 16th Century church in the in the middle of the French countryside, I recently discovered, is one of them. ‘Arab’ you see it not a nationality; it’s not a religious ideology or a political philosophy. It’s lifestyle. Its origins lie in the unholy trinity of over-dressing, over-exaggeration and ostentation.

Simple is as simple does, and we don’t do it. Wherever and everywhere we go in the world, we always make a considered effort to stick firmly to the Arab aesthetic; ‘everywhere’ usually involving big cities, big-resorts or at the very least someone’s big house. Arabs are cosmopolitan creatures of habit and we need settings that suit our style.

I, however, have been known to experiment with understatement as a statement. I do this because I am a rebel. Occasionally I will be simple and carefree just to shake things up a bit. Owing to this rebellious carefree simple nature of mine, I recently suggested to Mr. Y (the character formerly known as The Boy) that our trip to France for his cousin’s wedding ought to be spontaneous and simple in nature.

“It will be like an adventure,” I told him over BBM (our preferred mode of communication given that we’re still living on two separate continents on account of my immaturity).

“What like backpacking?” he asked.

“No don’t be ridiculous,” I said. “We just won’t stay at the Georges V.”

“Oh that might be a problem because I’d already booked the Presidential Suite,” he typed back, sending one of those yellow face-icons that now universally (apparently) represent sarcasm.

This deeply irritated me, on two accounts:

A) I have a deep reverence for the art of sarcasm and am strongly opposed to software developers messing with it.

B) Why on earth would we not be staying at the Georges V?

“But you just said you don’t want to stay there?” he said.

“I know, but you’re supposed to want us to stay there,” I reply. “It’s no fun being simple unless you’re rebelling against the real possibility of extravagance. I’m hardly going to be simple for the sake of it. What kind of madness is that?"